What I'm giving up for lent

I still hold great reverence for Lent.

Sacrifice is not to be taken lightly and the lent season allows many people, with different walks with Jesus, to experience sacrifice together while in their own ways.

It's very encouraging to hear how people are giving up sins in their lives for lent. Of course the natural question is will the continue to sin after lent? But the heart is there and if it takes Lent to really give something up for God, then all power to them.

I prayed very long and hard regarding if and what I would give up for Lent. I could have gone the route of giving up a sin issue, but I'm the type who feels the spirit of lent is to sacrifice something not technically wrong.

So I decided to give up lunch.

I realize how much time and money I waste eating lunch or going out to lunch. Sometimes I'm not even hungry but I use it as an excuse to get out of the office.

So instead of wasting all that time, I will not consume food from 10 am until 6pm for the duration of Lent. It's not a test of will. It's not for health. It's so that every time I feel hungry, I turn to God to fill me in spirit.

After 2 days, it has definitely had a profound way I look at my day. When I would be eating lunch, I instead spend that time in prayer, or reading the Word, or journaling. And the money I'm saving I'm hoping to direct toward a worthy cause, probably a mission field.

I still struggle with how I should approach the issue with people at work, when they ask me if I want to get food. I don't want to come off as showy or self-righteous telling them I am FASTING FOR THE LORD. I fear no matter how humbly I approach it, it will sound like I'm yelling about my faith.

On the other hand, I think it might spur some good conversation.

So no matter how you feel about my decision; whether you think its awesome or foolish, I ask that you pray for me as I try to keep a right mind set and walk in faith.

The one about Community

I've lived in Alexandria for over 5 months and something I've really struggled for is community.

The truth is that a lot of it has been me and my unwillingness to commit to search community.

I wouldn't say that I've been saddened by it but i definitely miss the people and friends back home.

I miss coffee with Leah. Or netflix with Ross. Or volleyball with Erica. Or Sausages with Nicola. Or BCD with Jonathan. Or watching Fox News with Nick.

I began praying fervently for community.

And God, being a great God, answered my prayer. Truthfully I don't know that I've ever experienced God answer prayer as quickly and decisively in that moment since I first became a Christian. And then in His infinite wisdom, shut that door quickly.

Does it still hurt that he shut that door? A little bit. But for different reasons day to day. But I understand that the Lord shut the door because He loves me and He wanted to bless me in a radically different way than I expected.

So if you know me you know that deep down I'm a very shy person and that I carry a lot of baggage. And I've allowed that baggage to affect every subsequent relationship thus continually adding to that load. And now that I realize that I can't lift that baggage anymore, I need the Lord to carry me. I've always needed the Lord to carry me. Its just taken me this long to figure that out.

Would I have preferred that I didn't have a broken heart time after time to get there?

Absolutely.

But God knew that I would have never learned what I needed to know.

What I learned is that seeking after the Lord in search of community was backwards. God has shown me that. One of my big fears is that I make God a means to an end rather than the end itself.

I shouldn't seek after the Lord for community. I need to seek after community for the Lord.

And I really believe that's what God has done in my life. The door that he shut led to another path.

I joined what is turning out to be an awesome small group. I went to church today and actually had people to talk to after service. I wasn't an anonymous face that left quickly before the last song finished. I'm meeting tons of new people who's quirks make me smile because they are so different but so love the Lord.

What was supposed to be a long, hard work weekend turned out to be a refreshing time of community.

I'm learning everyday that God answers bold prayers. My prayers may seem small to some but God's answers have been BOLD and beyond my expectations.

I can go on and on and on about what God has been doing but if you really want to know just ask. Because I'd probably love talking to you about it, I miss you and a good conversation helps build community.