5 women that I've met recently and would like to get to know better (revisited)

Last year I had a list of women that I had recently met (early 2009) and had committed myself to make an effort to get to know better.

I make lists like this for several reasons, none the least of which is that I'm very bad with names and if I don't write them down in an organized fashion, I'll never remember them. Another is that I realize that hanging around a college crowd, you meet a lot of interesting people. It would be impossible to legitimately get to know all of them in any serious way. I consider friendship a more solemn phrase than the way most people use it. That I can (and will) get into at a later date.

The reality is that with most people, if you meet them once, you'll probably never see them again. So unless you make an effort, they're just going to be another face in the crowd. I don't like that.

Now the next thing you're going to ask is why don't have a similar list of guys. Well the reason is pretty straight forward. I do have a list called the AGO pledge class. Most of the guys I meet are in an AGO context so it would be silly to make a "new guys" list when AGO substantly does so for me.

Now another objection is that some will interpret this list as a prospective dating list. I assure you that this is not such a list. It is true that my attempt to reach out to these women might be interpreted in a dating context if you use a broad context of dating; two people of the opposite sex going out alone to get to know each other. But that's the whole point. Getting to know someone in a group setting is often difficult, especially for me. There are crowd dynamics and social interplays at work which I want to get passed. Do I usually take them to dinner and pay? Yes. But ask the number of guys I've done that for. I recognize that its different but it really doesn't have to be.

Well back to the list....

So there are 5 names on it. I mentioned it once at a party and someone told me I should publish the list. I unfortunately did and was quickly rebuked for it by someone who today I would not call a friend. I've made an effort to go hang out with this person to no avail. But I occasionally hear from this person - when they want something. They were right to rebuke me because I posted the list without any context but I no longer pretend to be friends.

The purpose of this post is that several months ago I made a commitment to reach out to everyone on this list by the end of the year. Well I recently finished and after varying experience I found that each of them taught me something very important either about life or about myself. So I want to give a brief summary of what I learned *from* each person. I learned my lesson from before and won't use any names. If you know whom I'm describing, good for you but its not that important. What's important is what they taught me.

So here it is (in order of my attempt to hang out with them)

So I met this girl at a superbowl party during an ill conceived hasty celebration over the prospects of the Arizona Cardinals winning. Apologizing profusely, I thought she was really nice. I saw her around occasionally but she was quiet. So I realized that I would never learn anything about her unless I made an effort. I asked her if she wanted to get a cup of coffee sometime. (I hate coffee, I usually get hot chocolate) She said no. I didn't think much of it at the time. I didn't see her for several months (summer vacation). The next time I did I enthusiastically said hello but she shrugged me off. Not in the cute 'I'm shy and I don't know how to react' sorta way but in a rather dismissive shun. Later found out she un-friended me on facebook. But I wasn't going to be phased by this setback, my intentions were pure and I couldn't let one person's reaction affect me too much. I've let that happen in the past, but not any longer. Despite the fact that were clearly not friends I'll always appreciate that she taught me I can't worry about what people think of me...

I met this girl at Tuesday Night Worship. Now unlike the other girls on this list, I actually wanted to ask her out on a legitimate date. She only came by to Tuesday night worship which is a giant crowd of people, so it would have been impossible to get to know her in any other context. In fact told her that seeing her once a week wasn't enough. I asked her out and she said no. I wasn't heart-broken or anything,
I had nothing emotionally invested in her. I took a shot and she said no. It happens. Shortly after that she started talking to my friends about how I had asked her out. For weeks I couldn't hear the end of it. It became this big joke.
I never talked to her after that until a few weeks ago when she mentioned in passing how she needed a ride home. I offered and she surprisingly accepted. It was an awfully awkward 5 minute car ride. But other signs have pointed toward her softening. She saw me at her church which I think helped him her mind. I know I shouldn't use church as a tool for social mending, but what could I do except not go. Now its not uncommon for her to say hi or wave or smile around me. Its a step forward. My fleeting interest in her has passed but its good to know she no longer thinks of me as the worse person in the world, or are telling people that I am. The experience taught me that I can't worry about people talking behind my back...

I met this young woman on a porch swing that I built. We talked about politics. She was looking for a job and I tried helping her out with no success. A few months later the opportunity presented itself for a totally random road trip to vegas. I had my reservations but went ahead and did it. It had been a long time since I did anything so impetuous. Usually impetuous acts got me in trouble. I had a great time despite almost killing all of us nearly falling asleep at the wheel. Now we great friends having shared this common experience. We may differ on things (mostly guy vs girl issues) she taught me that I need to keep taking chances in life...

I totally didn't know who this girl was when I first met her. I actually thought she was someone completely different I had met the night before and began talking to her as if it were that other young woman. It was funny when we figured out I was totally confused. The fact that she kept the conversation going made quite impressed with her. I rarely saw her after that. Then one day I wrote on my facebook status "any one hungry" as I often do when I can't find anyone around for a meal. She replied something about how she was making fish. I thought wow, she was reaching out to me. I asked her if that was an invitation at which she replied nothing. She never checked her facebook again until after her cooking experience. A missed opportunity that I decided not let become one. Later, I talked to her that since I didn't get to try her fish, maybe we should go out and try some at a restaurant. She agreed and I made plans. Now did I treat it as a date? Yes. I washed and cleaned my car, ironed some clothes, and made reservation. I don't know why I did all that. I picked her up and she had just come from work, didn't change and was still sick. Clearly she didn't think of this as a date. Slightly I was disappointed, slightly I was relieved. I felt it took the pressure off. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, we really got into things. We talked about so much about each other. I felt we really connected. I thought our non-date turned into a pretty good one. Afterwards I called her, texted her, left her messages, wrote on her facebook wall. Nothing. She never picked up, never returned a message. I don't know what happened. I guess I was wrong. I don't worry about too much. But I'll always be grateful to her for helping me realize that I find my energy away from the crowds - that I am in fact an introvert and I'm okay with that...

The last girl is the reason I wrote this post. She's been an inspiration to my life and I've never even hung out with her. A couple days ago my plans had fallen through and I just wanted to get away. I asked a few guys and eventually her if they wanted to go do something. They agreed. She made it abundantly clear that it wasn't a date which I didn't have any notion of it being one. What proceeded would end up being one of the oddest days I've had in a long time. It was one of those nights where everything bad in my life was coming up and her questions just kept connecting dots. I wrote about it in my last post. In response she wrote me an email (which she sent to the wrong email address) which I'm not sure if I've ever gotten one like it before. Basically within that email was a reminder of every lesson that the 5 women I've mentioned has taught me and I felt it really convicted me of a lot of things. I didn't know how to react and I'm not sure that I've figured out how yet. What she doesn't know, she doesn't know and I'm going to tell her. I do know a few things. We're friends. I'm now comfortable in saying that. And she inspires me to rejoice for my life....
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